Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
