why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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