He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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