Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
