No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
