we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
