Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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