I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
