he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
