a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Randomize
