i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize