it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
