I didn't shave. On purpose
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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