im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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