i just had sex bonerless
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I need to align my fucking chakras
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
