I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
