From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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