everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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