but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
