We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
