no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
