I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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