everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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