Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
