Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
