I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize