Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
