i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
