I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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