I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
