onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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