and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
