So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
how drunk are you?
Several
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
