i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
