I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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