Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
