he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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