We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
