Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
