I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
