im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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