I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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