he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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