woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize