cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
