i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the day after is always just damage control
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
