wanna go halves on a baby?
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So much rum. So many feels.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
