She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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