Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
