come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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