I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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