Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i wish my penis had a tongue
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
