Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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