my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
