I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
