we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
