You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
