a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I'm really busy with my period
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