I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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