I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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