I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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