Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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