smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
