my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
