all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
sarcasm needs its own font
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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