Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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