my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
