You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
