I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize